Hi! I am 22 but I hope it's okay if I post this here - I thought some people close to my own age might have the most relevant thoughts on this issue. I thank you so much for any advice or perspectives.
I've wanted a university degree as long as I can remember (it was never forced, but certainly encouraged, in my family). I got into the school I wanted, am nearly 3.5 years into a 5 year degree (English Literatures and Drama Studies), and ... am I certain anymore that this is what I want? No.
The entire experience, despite its rewards - coming out of my shell a bit, meeting many fascinating and wonderful people, gathering knowledge, making very dear friends - has overall been consistently and damagingly stressful. Every single term, I end up overworked, frustrated, and ashamed of myself. Just when I think I've learned better how to deal with stress, the workload gets heavier. It's like I can't keep up with the curve ... or the curve itself is just impossible, haha. One way or the other.
The stress of higher education is actually what spurred the development of my bulimia, which I've been fighting for almost the past two years. I am trying hard to overcome it with the HCRV lifestyle, and it's helped me immensely this term. In fact, it's the only thing that has truly helped at all. Now, though, I am losing control of the ED again due to the insane workload and schedule that I can't maintain. It is impossible to sleep or eat properly as an ambitious, community-involved student (I have had numerous psychologists/counsellors, none of whom were able to help me deal with this issue.)
I have always been too determined to question this, too trusting of the voices i've fed myself religiously - "This IS what I want; I NEED a degree to make me worthwhile, to succeed at all." But I'm finally realizing what they are, those voices. They are Society and Institution and Money and Self-Hatred, not me. I don't know which voice IS me anymore. I don't think I can hear myself beneath their roar.
This is not the life I want. It leads nowhere for me. I don't want to struggle to the end of this degree only to earn the privilege of getting another, and then getting a job I'll probably hate that will distract me from finding real confidence, love, fulfillment. A job that is hardly even available, given this economy. I'm a passionate Arts student, but I'm passionate about LIFE too, and LIFE is escaping me right now. I physically feel very often like I can't quite open my eyes, or like there is a fog in front of me ... because there's MORE TO IT than this, this rat race ... I want more than this, if more is possible ...
Please let me know what you think. Namaste.
Replies
Im also a university student and understand where your coming from.
each semester is very stressful, its hard work thats for sure.
I think we have all had times of self doubt and questioning the degree.
Just remember its never too late for anything. If you feel it is no loner your passion and is causing too much stress than it shows it wasnt ment to be. put your self first and follow your passions, its your life after all dont waste it.
all the best.
Don't quit now! if you spent 3.5 years there, then obviously it's something you want to do. If it's not something you wanted to do , you would have dropped out before you finished even one year
Not necessarily. I'm very stubborn, and my subconscious even more so, haha. But I agree with you. I am probably going to reduce my course load, at least for one term, so I can have a little time to figure out how to address the problems I'm facing (chronic depression among them). I don't really want to drop out entirely though.
I think I might have depression. But What makes it "chronic"?
In my case? That I've had the same feelings of depression, regardless of my situation, diet, or exercise, for 12 years.