hello all,

i've decided to write an update bout my HCRV journey. i started eating fruity december 7th 2011 and have been pretty close to 100% since then. i'll say 98% to be exact. the 2% falls into the times when i've licked my fingers after making a pb&j sandwich for the kids i watch, or back in february when i had a few pickles. but i havent sat down and had a cooked food, or any more than a spoonful of quinoa since i've begun. so these little slips may be hindering some of my journey, but it's all part of it. i'm not here to complain about weight gain, or that i don't see many of the results that most people have, i'm just here to document my experience, so that in another 6 months i can look back and see how far i've come. but thank you to all who read this and have any comments, they are all greatly appreciated!

i came from a background of drug/alcohol abuse in my late teens as well as anorexia, which i'm glad to say has left my life/mind for good now, but in my early 20s i still wrestled with restricting. i've been fairly active my whole life and was cooked vegan for 1.5 years before coming to this lifestyle. i'm 5'4" and currently weigh 131lbs. I started this lifestyle off at 118-120lbs and am quite comfortable and feel really wonderful in my body at about 110-115lbs. the first month or so i emotionally felt wonderful, even though my skin got really bad. i tried to become unattached to the physical things that were and are happening to my body because i know in my heart this is the way to live my life. i was also on bc for 6 years an have been off of it for a year, but am not regular yet. the healing process is a slow one, two steps back, one step forward, one back, three forward...but i am practicing my patience and getting really inspired from all of you here on 30bad, so thank you!

the next couple of months i could feel my digestive system getting more regular, it's much better now but could definitely still be better for the amount of food i eat. i've been averaging 2,500 calories and sticking to 90/5/5 even though i eat overts about 4-5 times a week. although this past week has probably been closer to 2,200 calories since i've been so busy with work. it's crazy how some days i feel amazing eating this much and then a few days later am so full all the time. i eat mostly mono-meals until dinner (bananas and dates) and have a big salad with lettuce, cucumber, tomatoes, green onions and a mango/date dressing. sometimes i throw in avocado. i think the overly full feeling is my digestive system not being fully regular yet. i drink 4L of water/day and sleep 9-10 hours a night. this past month i've cut down my activity level to only a hike or two a week and a yoga session. i'm just so exhausted all the time and when i do drag myself out for a walk i'm even more drained, so i'm taking the time to sleep and rest. i abused my body quite badly, maybe one day i'll make another post and go into more detail, so i understand that i have a lot of healing to do. my skin was getting better and has now broken out again. i know it's my system getting regular again after bc and lots of detox that my body still needs to do, so as 'dan the man' says, "get excited about being tired and breaking out because you know your body is cleaning house." i see myself being active again and having more of a zest for life, but for now things are slow. i've mentally given myself at least this year before i jump into anything crazy like doing 1/2 marathons again, which i love. i don't want to strain my body and slow down this process even more. but any suggestions would be great.

i am trying to love myself the way i am now, but honestly, and as vain as this may sound, it's tough! but as i've said before, a lot easier with all of you. i've also ditched cleansers and most of my makeup. i still wear mascara and organic blush when i work at the restaurant, but every other day i don't. this is something i've never done before, so i do feel quite vulnerable, but empowered at the same time. i feel like i'm breaking away from these constraints and walls that society has built around us. i do feel so much more free in a way and then not in another. i feel free with my emotional well-being and spiritual well-being, but my body is holding me back from doing the things i love because i just don't have the energy. one day everything will align, and i don't know that for sure, but for now i trust. 

again, thank you all for reading this. any and all comments are greatly appreciated. Have a gorgeous fruit filled day!

- Peace, love & fruit!