The following is an example of the comments Victoria is starting to post. We have told her that it isn't the place to do it but I have a feeling she may keep going...So we have decided to delete posts of a similar nature, do you guys feel this is the right thing to do?
Firstly I am sorry for you. Now, let me tell you what I think b/c I am from he other side of this coin. I am extremely supportive of my husband Michael's lifestyle and I even follow this way of life 90% of the time..I gain some weight and I lose some weight depending on how many days in a row I am 100%. Now, I want to tell you that it has been so hard living with a man who is so judgmental and cranky..Not to mention his ego since starting a fan base from these sights..like he is a freaking celebrity and I am some groupie or something.
I am a very balanced person and I am raw sometimes and vegan cooked at other times..I used to eat meat and it took me 10 full years to become a 100% vegan with the exception of a few times off eating some egg in my pasta or a bit of cheese..not even worth mentioning.
I am on my own journey and he is costantly picking at me..There is not a day that goes by that he does not say to me "so, Vicky, did you Fuck up today?, I can tell, you are so fat. when is it going to end???"
We were recently in Milan Italy and I wanted to eat at a restaurant and I know it wasn't going to be only raw..but I was raw all day and I wanted Pasta and a glass of wine..Michael would not even sit with me...He was actually screaming at me. Is this normal behavior I ask you this?
Years ago I emailed Doug Graham and asked him is being cranky and thinking sex was a dirty act for cooked fooders was okay and part of this lifestyle? B/c if it was, I wanted nothing to do with it!!!
He replied "NO, absolutely not" SO I was actually frightened that I was just stuck with a judgmental nut that had gone of the deep end and developed his elite attitude toward all creatures that were not like himself.
I do believe this lifestyle is a great way to go, but when it comes to attitude, I think that should have a closer look. He thinks I am beneath him and it worries me and people around me.
I would rather be a calm and peaceful cooked eater than a miserable pice of shit raw fooder...like he is. I am not kidding! I would also rather die a few years earlier if I were to feel that I was Constantly being judged by what I ate and scrutinized at all times..It did backfire btw..I was going great at 100% but when judge Michael was on top of me, I just wanted to eat the worst things you could imagine. I am so angry with the type of person he is becoming I almost want to stick a potato up his ass and leave it there until he is nicer.
I know really nice and calm people on this lifestyle, but I think b/c Michael is already pissy and this brings out the worst in him..this is stuff people don't get to see...well, I am letting out the truth!
PS , he feeds our kids shit and I am more strict with the kids..no need to get them addicted to the stuff I was addicted to as a kid..which was meat and dairy and the sad diet. And he says in his videos how much sleep is important adn then he goes to sleep at 1:30 am???? A bit hypocritical wouldn't you say..so since we are airing things out honey, I think that we all just need to see the big picture and know that nobody is getting out of this world alive...nobody! It is time to put the judgement away! Good luck with your marriage..I am sure I will need it as well.
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Replies
We have told her that it isn't the place to do it
i really don't see why this place should be a platform for personal vendettas. now i realize dr complains once in a while that you steal his fruit, but that's just a matter of self-preservation. :D
we've admittedly had some real soap operas here, but this is a really strange one. it likely explains michael's fat rantings a while ago too.
this is the most i think can be tolerated. if victoria wants to post this sort of irrelevancy on her blog, that may be alright. after all, people complain about members of their family in their blogs quite often. however there is one difference. victoria's comments are still personal attacks on a member of the site (a well-established one at that) and hence are in violation of the forum guidelines (not to mention the profanity). therefore, even that is likely inappropriate (we had a situation with sdal and el-bo if you recall ... and they weren't even married!)
victoria may have legit personal issues about michael, but then she should seek counseling, not complaining.
if she insists on airing out the dirty laundry in public, there is always bella's site which will no doubt welcome such content.
in friendship,
prad
lol i love you Prad ! hehe We've almost come to blows over the last banana
"however there is one difference. victoria's comments are still personal attacks on a member of the site (a well-established one at that) and hence are in violation of the forum guidelines (not to mention the profanity). therefore, even that is likely inappropriate"
- yes there is what I'm thinking too and there is no way it will be a clean representation of the situation, I know Vic quite well, she will fly off the handle at the first chance. I can imagine Michael being a handful but at the end of the day it's not exactly the communities focus and these things always degenerate pretty quickly, good intentions or not.
I don't know whether we should write a post explaining that personal vendetta's etc are not welcome here. I'm getting a few emails from people complaining of Vic's posts being erased. Drama-addicts maybe?
if you want them taken care of, let me know.
in friendship,
prad
I think maybe if people could make I statements or just talk about how a situation made us feel as opposed to quoting what the other said maybe we could have discussions about living in a home with different diets. But like you said it could degenerate pretty quickly and who wants micromanage a discussion, lol, not me! in the end how we deal with differing diets in our family comes down to good clear communication, so I think promoting non-violent communication and Tony Robbins talks like you do is a really important addition to the community. It is a tough one! I think you handled it great! On another forum it could have been blown into something highly negative, instead you kept the high vibe here intact! :)
"Please remember this is a family friendly site, after all the 30baders of today are the 30baders of tomorrow. Please help us maintain a level of decorum so that parents feel good about bringing their kids here to learn, share and enjoy in the community. Adult issues can be discussed in such a way that model the art of effective, peaceful communication, using language and tones that are kind and safe for everyone."
-from forum guidelines
First of all this was posted in off topic chat not the steam room and contains numerous swear words.
"The following guidelines are to ensure that we all enjoy our time here and are respectful of others."
-from forum guidelines
Maybe a definition of what it means to be respectful would be a good addition to the guidelines.
I would like to see a copy of this entire article posted for practicing right speech here on this forum. http://www.esolibris.com/articles/buddhism/buddhism_speech.php
I think deleting it was appropriate because it was very harsh and needed to come down immediately as opposed to waiting to see if she was willing to modify it. I also like what you said in response to her wondering why hers was removed but not the raw fooder's complaints about her husband, a good example of non-violent communication! :)
It's not such a big deal, Vicky can always repost her thoughts and experiences in a kinder, gentler way. I understand the forum guidelines to mean being respectful of other members of 30BAD and their feelings. I don't think this was within that guideline, although I have to say, even though it seems clear to me, it could be defined more specifically as to what being respectful means.
I have a great deal of respect for Victoria and Michael. I also very much appreciate them both for sharing their experiences following this lifestyle, the ups and the downs. This too shall pass. :)
P.S. If Vic wants to share her experiences and feelings in the same manner Donna did, at this point I don't see a problem with that, but the harsh words have no place here. I would guess Vic would likely have deleted that post within a few days herself.
You are right the swearing was against the guidelines I didn't even think about that.
I would love to see that article up, please do so!
I'm so glad you could see the sense in my post, I wasn't sure if it came across that way but I'm glad to hear it did (for you anyway)
Hmmmm To be honest I'm not sure we really want to encourage her posting anything about it at all because it will just lead to more bickering. The fact is that the negative talk is being said about another member so it's really against the guidelines. Victoria gets heated up very quickly so I know it will not stay 'nice' unfortunately :(
tough one...
Victoria is really angry and seems to want to hurt Michael's reputation any way she can.
Obviously noone truly knows what goes on in private between two people, and she could have some valid points... But I agree that it is completely innappropriate for her to air her grievances on this forum.
I will keep an eye out for further similar comments.