This is a tricky thing for me -Because when someone wants to share their feelings and problems, its a sign of trust, and thats basically a good thing. But it can be too much! For me at least.If someone its constantly sharing her worries, stress, problems with the boyfriend, I feel overwhelmed -and I start to avoid that person.If someone shares about stress all the time -I get stressed!! When somone talk about what her boyfriend did or did not do all the time, I get so tired!I dont know how to say "shut up, I dont want to hear another word, I cant take it!!!" in a nice way.I think Im good at hiding my distress, I just sit there and listen and wait for the sharing to be over...:/May be I could say thanks for sharing this with me, but Im to tired to be a good listener right now? But that doesnt really send the message that I CAN listen, just not to draining stuff non-stop, does it?PS -Just want to add that this is not with all my friends, its just the ones that talks relentlessly about their problems etc..
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I look at someone wanting to talk about their feelings in a different light. I don't always see it as a matter of trust when people start sharing information about their selves. People also do that when they are out of control or don't have good boundaries. I think you are supporting them more by giving them direction. Meaning if you don't want to hear what they are saying you say that do them. Often with people like that you have to be very much to the point. If you say to much your message is lost.
I go to ACA meeting when I have the energy -and a HP is also part of the program. Its magical :) I just havent been able to go for several weeks :/
I was just thinking about my profile picture -I think I chose it becuase Ive never seen this look in my eyes, I think I look like someone who will tell people my opnion if I feel like it and set my boundaries whenever....but actually-------Its just becuase the sun is so strong hahahah
But its a start huh? :D
Yes, that is the kind of relationship where you are always making deposits but never taking withdrawals. There's never a balance. You should be able to share with her, even if it's something GREAT that's going on in your life.
I called a friend last night to dump some of my feelings on to, because I felt like I needed an ear. I felt better afterward, but I wonder why don't I ever share the good stuff I'm excited about. Seems to me that many people like to thrive on negativity and gossipy stuff rather than exciting moments!
I'm new at this, but I don't see how it's healthy in any way for the same one person to always dump negative thought or words on to the same other. Maybe you can write her a letter about balance. That you need to hear positive things as much or more than negative and that she needs to either have several negative outlets rather than just you, or she needs to learn to be somewhat positive for her own health and that of those around her.
Youre right. I dont know if its a permanent thing -havent known the person for very long-, I just know that right now I feel overwhelmed.But if it continues, youre absolutely right.
But it could be a chance for me to learn to set my boundaries...Uuhhhhhh!! Scary for someone like me:)
But not being able to protect myself is just not ideal. It makes me too vulnerable. Be it this person or anyone else.
maybe newt time you could try to share your feelings TOO, like : " i ear that you live strong moments, but right now, i don't feel great by myself and i think a will not be a great listener to you.
maybe you could share your worries with another friend or a relative ? "
i don't know if it sounds rights to advice her to go " somethere else " but i think it's important that your share your feelings too, maybe you could find a better way than mine "
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I was just thinking about my profile picture -I think I chose it becuase Ive never seen this look in my eyes, I think I look like someone who will tell people my opnion if I feel like it and set my boundaries whenever....but actually-------Its just becuase the sun is so strong hahahah
But its a start huh? :D
I called a friend last night to dump some of my feelings on to, because I felt like I needed an ear. I felt better afterward, but I wonder why don't I ever share the good stuff I'm excited about. Seems to me that many people like to thrive on negativity and gossipy stuff rather than exciting moments!
Takes practise I guess!
But it could be a chance for me to learn to set my boundaries...Uuhhhhhh!! Scary for someone like me:)
But not being able to protect myself is just not ideal. It makes me too vulnerable. Be it this person or anyone else.
maybe you could share your worries with another friend or a relative ? "
i don't know if it sounds rights to advice her to go " somethere else " but i think it's important that your share your feelings too, maybe you could find a better way than mine "
you should tell them, they will unsderstand why you don't listen and they will respect your needs, too.
once you'll get calm and peace you need, you'll be a good listener to others.
you can't give and give and never receive, it's so unbalancing and not good for anyone
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