I have recently changed to 801010 (its been just over a month now) and I have honestly never felt better, I have been happy and excited every single day to get up eat and exercise. Which is a total switch for me as I used to have an eating disorder and a bit of depression.
I also recently got a boyfriend (who I am so blessed to have met and be with) and he also makes me SO happy! I believe this happened in part because I am finally OKAY with myself and I am ready to be there for someone else.
I have also reconsidered my drinking, I feel like I don't really need to. Before I drank for confidence (for the most part) and now I feel like I am confident enough to do what ever I want! Which is an amazing feeling.
Lately me and one of my roommates (christine) have been on the outs. We argue over stupid things and every time we talk I seem to leave with this "hurt" feeling from something she said or did. I used to confide in her for things I was thinking about doing (like my stopping drinking) and she just turns around later and makes fun of me for it or makes snide remarks about it. I talked to our mutual friend (mackenzie) about why Christine seems to have this weird secret hatrid for me and Mackenzie said that Christine had talked to her about how she thinks I am taking my diet too seriously lately and that I am not really myself anymore and that we have nothing in common.
Side note: Me and Christine used to go out and party/drink all the time. Now I still come with when I can and want to but I just don't drink.
This is really hurting me as we used to be so close!
Please help :(
Replies
When people have the *nothing in common with me* thing going on it is because your ways threaten their ways, they are comfortable, you're making them think about things they don't want to, and so they'll act out towards you. I also think it can be worse if they felt like the more successful one in the friendship or have other insecurities going on.
If you want to stay friends talk about very mutual topics and try to stay upbeat around them, and let them know you still really enjoy being around them.
looks to me that she thinks you're the enemy now, because you're not supporting her self destructive behaviour any more.. Sounds like you need a new room mate!
Wow, thank you all so much. Honestly this has made me feel so much better. We talked today and she had apologized for what she said and we talked about how we don't have much in common anymore and it seems okay. I think we are just going to accept we are different, and that we probably won't hangout much anymore but that we still care about each other.
I also saw this amazing quote at the end of Freelee's book and it also helped (along with all your amazing coments and videos, I read them all and took them to heart) the quote was:
Do what you love, and love what you do because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.
may peace love and fruit be with all of you, thank you so much for helping me through this :)
It's not a diet, it's a way of life. Tell her that. You dont have to ruin your life because of her... All this drinking is not good at all for you. Making fun of you because you don't drink? How insecure is she?
Sometimes it can happen that friends dislike it when we change. Sometimes our change even reminds them that they secretly feel uncomfortable with the same or a similar aspect of their own life. That can make them feel uncomfortable. Sometimes up to the point where they don't want to be your friend anymore.
This does not have to be food related at all. It happened to me when I decided to leave an abusive relationship. A friend of mine who was in an unhappy relationship herself was not glad for me at all. In the following weeks she slowly drifted out of our friendship. (Before that we saw each other almost every day.) I have observed similar situations very often.
Possibly Christine is secretly worried that you get "too pretty" and will take attention away from her.
I don't mean to scare you at all though. It does not always go that way and who know's what your friend really feels. Maybe you just have to sit it out.
In the end, Even your friend Mackenzie can only guess that the food topic is the cause for Christine's behavior. (Or in other words she does not know that Christine's dislike for your food habits and her behavior towards you are related. She is can only guess.)
If I was you, I would talk with Christine and tell her how I feel and that I miss her because she does not feel as close anymore.
The hard part about changing some behaviors is not just your personal work it takes, it is the people around you that sometimes have problems with your change.
She is probably lashing out due to some pain or discomfort she is having. I mean if you are drinking less and eating differently then you are most probably engaging in fewer behaviors and activities that come along with drinking or partiying, thus your dynamic with Christine has changed. She is attacking (my guess) because your change in lifestyle has impacted the relationship, which means her. The sad thing is that sometimes when we want to change we have to grow apart from those that we currently hold as friends. On a more positive note, sometimes those friends that are first no happy with our change soon decide to evolve a little themselves and thus come along for the ride or even a little of it which is often enough that a strong friendship is maintained.
Just do not compromise your new lifestyle, and probably an extra 10 years of life and a higher quality of life in your golden years, for a friendship that is partially based on abusing your bodies together.
As far as "she thinks I am taking my diet too seriously lately and that I am not really myself anymore and that we have nothing in common." If that is actually true then your friendship was based on partying and drinking. Does that sound like an actual bases for a friendship regardless of how long you have know each other? Just because you have fun with someone(s) but the underlying bond in the relationship is some sort of enabling of bad behavior does not mean that even after 20 years of thinking you are close that you just might have to move on.
While it is sad, if you KNOW that you are doing what is best for you and she is not accepting it or willing to at least try your ride for a few months then, sad to say, you are two ships passing in the night.
I have somewhat filtered through my friends when coming into this life style. Sometimes it is better to lose friends than to keep friends who hold you back. Do what makes you happy. Maybe moving out is a choice? Hope everything gets better!
Julia :)
Stay strong in what you believe in!
Thanks for the advice and motivation, I will definitely keep that in mind. It is no fun if you have someone who is constantly bringing you down!
i would move away from her, she's obviously acting bad towards you and making you feel bad. Avoid stress like the plague if you can.
We are all living together again next year, we signed the lease back in january!
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