Hi Everyone,
I have been pondering and agonizing over this since deciding to live by the 811rv principles and I need your guidance. I am married with 3 sons; ages 16 yrs. , 13 yrs. and 7yrs. My husband and 2 older boys eat poultry and fish only and my youngest is mostly vegan since birth (likes pizza). I purchase the food and prepare it most days for the family. I purchase mostly organic foods and snacks for them.
Recently, I informed my husband that I will not longer buy any meat with my money or cook it. He accepted my decision and now he takes on this task. I cook a vegan meal and he adds the meat.
My older sons have no desire to change their diet and they believe that I'm just plain weird. It really hurts me every time I watch them eat foods that are damaging their health. I've taken them to see several documentaries, giving them PETA materials, and even showed them my bloodwork...to no avail. I speak to them and try to educate them about health, nutrition and fitness in a positive and non-abrasive way. They simply refuse to listen.
How could I not know about raw veganism prior to bringing them into this world. I learned about breast feeding; nurse all 3 for years against the opposition of family and friends. I found out about veganism 7 years ago and raised the youngest as vegan. I wanted to change the older boys' diet to cooked vegan during this time; however, my husband objected stating it was too late. They were 8 and 6 by now.
OMG! How could I not know? I'm their mother! It's my job to take care of them. I'm a smart and educated woman. I feel it's completely my fault! I caused this downward turn in their health and now I don't know how to change it.
It's easier to accept other adult family members not wanting to change their diet, but it's another thing when it's your own children.
Can anyone else relate to how I'm feeling?
Replies
Sorry haven't been on here in a while ;-) Al-Nisa at our age we will always have things we regret, thought we could do better, etc. My favorite quote from Oprah who got it from Maya Angelou is "When we know better, we do better"
Now you know better and you are setting a good example for them to follow. I agree with your husband that it is too late to force the diet on your older boys but they are young and their bodies can recover very quickly.
Thank you, SunAndFruit!
I have joined my local Raw Food meetup group and each month we have a Movie and Potluck. The movies are all about raw foods; e.g. 'May I Be Frank?', 'Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead?' and this month is 'Average Joe on the Raw'. I really enjoy these gatherings. I value the support and encouragement from the group.
I will work on being more open and approachable without judgement of others.
I'm hopeful my family will one day follow my lead.
Hello Al-Nisa...yes I can relate to how you're feeling. My daughter is 15 1/2 and has stated that she will continue eating meat and other unhealthy junk foods. When she was little she refused to eat food, she didn't like a lot of fruits, especially bananas, she still doesn't like bananas, and she hated most vegetables. Her doctor was always on me about feeding her since she was so close to being underweight, it was frustrating.
One trip to McDonald's and she began eating, my husband and I were thrilled that she wasn't going to starve, but I didn't like the junk food, it broke my heart. Some children are happy to starve, I was like that as a child too. I was raised on vanilla milkshakes with an egg in them, I refused all food except those shakes. She remained very thin until puberty hit then she gained thirty pounds very quickly.
It took her several months to lose the weight and she is thin again and much happier. I've lost about thirty pounds since going vegan in January and she is definitely paying attention to that and to the fact that my skin is clearing up a lot. I've had acne since my mid-forties, almost as bad as my high school years, she has mild acne.
She likes a lot of different foods now, and has loved many of my cooked vegan meals. Last night at dinner, cooked vegan for family, she tried some of my banana smoothie and loved it. She mentioned that she wanted to learn to like bananas and other raw foods, progress! I suggested that she add raw foods to her diet and transition gradually.
I feel guilty as heck for not parenting better, but I did the best I could with the information I had then, however I can't let it get me down today. I'm just happy that maybe in time, she will change her unhealthy eating habits. I'm pretty sure that when all of my excess weight is gone, my example will encourage her even more. I told her this morning that I bought a nice, ripe mango yesterday, I'm not sure how to fix it, and I don't even know if I like them, but we'll try it after school today. She's looking forward to trying something new. :)
Staying in present time is the only way I can live, looking back on past mistakes can be quite depressing and I'm better off not going there. Take excellent care of yourself and hopefully your sons will follow your lead.
I roasted a chicken for their Easter dinner and asked my husband to cut it up in the kitchen and not put it on the table because the smell turned my stomach. We were raw vegans once before a few years back and I'm hoping he'll want to try it again. But he likes his junk food, is much younger than me, and isn't overweight. He will do what he wants.
Thank you, Jennifer!
I so glad that I'm not alone in this situation. It's great that your daughter was able to benefit for your example and she is open to try new things. Congratulations on your weight loss!!
You're right about the husbands, they will do as they please...they're grown men.
I must be more assertive when it comes him imposing really bad food-like substances onto my boys.
I sent my husband to the store yesterday to pick up some items to prepare for this coming week. I look in the cabinets this morning while making the lunch boxes and I find Doritos Cool Ranch. I asked him who it was for and he told me that he brought it for the boys for lunch. I kindly turned the bag over to the ingredients and pointed out all the coloring, chemicals and MSG and told him that I'm NOT giving my kids that mess!
So, he took the bag to work with him to eat with major attitude! You just got to shake your head sometimes.
Thank you, everyone for all your encouragement and support! It truly means a lot to me.
I will heed your advice of not being too hard on myself, letting go of my attachment to the outcome, being hopeful, having strong faith, lead by example, staying committed to this lifestyle, keeping the communication lines open and sharing my love.
Thanks again! I feel better already.
I can relate. My children are 19 and 17. I can give them information, I can make them watch Forks Over Knives and the like, but ultimately it's their decision. When my son was born I was a vegetarian (still ate cheese) but I decided to go back to SAD because my in-laws were beef farmers. I couldn't bring myself to say to my son "your grandparents are evil" haha. Still I wish now that I knew about 811 then. I would have raised them raw vegan.
All we can hope is to lead by example. Just keep at it, like water on a stone. They may change.
P.S. My son bought himself a blender so he could start making green smoothies. Baby steps, baby steps...
You laid the ground work, eventually they will come around. It takes some people longer to understand the
mistakes they've made...
Just keep the faith. You're an awesome Mom for making the changes and having the insight.
Keep on keeping on...Someday they'll thank you...
Mike
Dear Al-Nisa, please don't be too hard on yourself. You sound like a very conscientious mother. Your boys feel buoyed by their father's choices and leadership. You are basically leading the crusade all by yourself and that is a daunting task! It is entirely possible that one or all of your sons may "see the light" later on. One thing that helps young people to get leverage on themselves is to call meat what it really is "dead flesh," "the carcasses of dead animals," etc. I know this worked for one young person I know. Now he's adamant about being vegan. Keep in mind that young people feel they are invincible. Health is not a concern to them unless they come up against a serious illness. I would say to keep focusing on what is right for you. Hold a vision of the end result that your sons are vibrant with vitality and health, smiling and lavishing love upon you, all this without outlining that they become vegans or raw vegans. Try to let go of your attachment to the outcome and it very well may work out after all. In the end, the only one you can be responsible for is yourself. Love to you.